Wednesday, January 27, 2010

January 27- Catching Fire

In a little over a week I will be running my first 5k. Every time I think about the race it seems impossible that it could be so close. I am nervous, I don't know how I am going to do. Wizard, hardcore that she is, is planning to finish the race in under 30 minutes. I just want to run the entire race (3.2 miles) without stopping. I don't think that that is too lofty a goal...we'll soon find out.

Most of the new-years-revolutionists have dropped out of the classes at the gym. This makes me both happy and sad. Sad because people give up too easily, happy because I no longer have to get to the gym 15 minutes early just to get a spin bike. I can't believe how much better I feel and what great shape I am in because of my new exercise routine. I can't believe that I have only been going for about three months. I don't know how I survived before, or what I did with my time. Cuddled with the puppies more I guess. Now that I have made this a habit, I can't imagine not doing it.

Wizard seems to think the ladies at the Y are going to burn her at the stake because she is so unfriendly and because of her German accent. She is trying to win me to her side, I have made so many friends that she feels that I will abandon her for mob mentality.

Workout: Spin 45 minutes

Food:
Go Lean Crunch with Skim Milk
2 Bananas (snack)
2 fiber one bars (snack)
1 diet coke
leftover turkey, mashed potatoes, broccoli, cranberries and stuffing (lunch)
roast with potatoes, onions and carrots

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

January 26th- The Hunger Games

Isn't that (my title for today) an amazing name for a book considering that it is my life? I was just lamenting with the other teachers and staff this morning that I want to exercise an hour everyday and be able to eat whatever I want. Now, granted, I know that this is impossible and teenagers are the only ones who get to eat and drink whatever they want with no consequences but I still would like that to be true. Is that too much to ask? Of course.

On Saturday I woke up with a burning cough and throat. I was sure I had strep so I went to the Minute Clinic by my house to get on antibiotics. I didn't want to miss anymore school. Anyway, the doctor was a total douchebag! She basically told me to quit being a baby and suck it up! Me! Who never even goes to the doctor for anything (hello, I still got up and went to school when I had the H1N1 and the staff had to send me home!) I was sooooo piiissseeeddd. Apparently they don't like to test for strep unless you have been sick for more than three days. Yeah, the doctor was so busy at 8am at the Cub Minute Clinic that she couldn't take 30 seconds to swab my throat- she had to scold me for ten minutes before she could do that.

Things are good. I feel good. I love working out now. I was also told that I am the squat queen this morning- made my day! I still am getting used to the running thing. I like doing it at a slow pace...I don't like running to fast. So I'm not very good at it.

Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 30 mins (running the whole time)

Food:
2 bowls Go Lean Crunch (breakfast and lunch)
2 bananas
1 apple
2 fiber one bars
1 fanta and 1 diet coke
1 cup coffee with hazelnut creamer
dinner?

Friday, January 22, 2010

January 22 - Sick Day

I actually ran thirty minutes today without stopping. Two miles in thirty minutes, which means I was running about at 15 minute mile. Pretty horrible time but I'm amazed at myself regardless. Thirty minutes. Two miles. I don't think I've ever run two miles before.

The only reason I'm not complaining about my body being sore from running is because I'm sick with a cold. My nose won't stop running, I'm slimeing the kids, my eyes and head ache, I didn't sleep last night because I couldn't breathe. Every time I cough I'm afraid that blood will come from my throat and/or I'm going to ralph. Hopefully, I've painted an accurate picture of my misery.

Workout: Running 30 minutes- Yay me.

Eating: The usual

Thursday, January 21, 2010

January 21 - The Great Gatsby

I'm feeling under the weather. I would like to lay in bed and sleep. And I would like the kids to leave me alone. Can I have permission please?

Workout: BodyPump 60minutes and Running 30minutes

Food:
1 ww bagel with natural PB
2 clementines
Turkey Chili
1 fiber one bar

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

January 20- Extras

I'm exhausted. Cranky. And not feeling well- I think I'm coming down with something. That or running is getting to me. My body is not happy. NOT HAPPY!

On top of that, the two new girls stole my spinning spot in the back of the room. I almost morphed into a fire-breathing-ass-kicking-ninja I was so annoyed (and they kept talking during class, what is that about?!).

And remember yesterday how I was all Kathy Lee Gifford about my pants being loose? Well, it turns out that I grabbed the wrong jeans out of the wash. Yep, that's right, I grabbed my fat jeans instead of my normal jeans. Those pants were to big for me anyway. Boo! So back to squeezing the toothpaste back into the tube. I thought it was a miracle but it turns out I'm just an idiot.

Workout: Spinning 45 minutes

Food:
1 ww bagel with natural pb
4 clementines
1 apple
2 fiber one bars
1 boca burger with ket. and mus. on an Arnold's 100 calorie bun
2 diet cokes
1 bowl fiber one cereal

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

January 19 - Specials

Updates Continued:

1. Putting on my jeans used to be like squeezing toothpaste back into the tube (thanks Eddy and Patsy. AbFab rules). Anyway, today I put them on and they're loose. Really. I keep having to think about whether I was wearing them earlier or if they came straight out of the wash...which they did. Awesome!

2. My stalker-that-just-wants-to-be-my-friend wasn't in class today. I guess I'll have to try to be nice to her tomorrow. But I did get invited to "Feed My Starving Children" Haiti edition by the Woodbury soccer moms. Can't wait. (Wizard was invited too).

3. Is it possible that my metabolism is running on "Red Alert"? Because if it is, that would be awesome. If not, pray for me and my metabolism.

4. Running 25 minutes straight today, 30 minutes on Thursday. Did I used to think running for two minutes was hard? It seems like a life time ago.

Workout: BodyPump 60minutes and Running 30 minutes

Food:
1 bagel with cream cheese
2 clementines

Monday, January 18, 2010

January 18- RIP MLK Jr.

Updates, updates and more updates:

1. Even though there wasn't any school today I still went to Woodbury to workout.

2. Remember my stalker? Turns out that she just wants to be in the cool kids group. I thought she was secretly plotting my demise but today I had an epiphany when she smiled at me. I realized that she just wanted me, obviously the pack leader in every class because I'm cool like that, to be nice to her. See, these are the occasions when my bitch gets the best of me. So I guess I'll be nice to her and see where that goes.

3. Wizard has started distancing herself from me in the classes. She does not like other people or idle chatter or Woodbury soccer moms and because I draw them like a moth to the flame, she doesn't like to be near me. It's hard enough for her to avoid making eye contact with anyone as she enters and exits the workout areas, so everyone crowding around me asking me about my weekend really puts her off. Plus, I keep forgetting to put on extra deodorant before I head to class, so yeah, I stink pretty heinously every class.

4. Yesterday, after I ran, I swam (more like played in the water). Wizard and I didn't meet so I headed to Coon Rapids. The treadmills are AMAZING!!! They each have their own TV's and fans and you can plug in your IPOD...I just wanted to start making out with the machine, it was that awesome. I hit quickstart and was running and doing everything I was supposed to. Well, when you hit quickstart, it automatically will time the session at 30minutes. So I am running and in the middle of my ten minute set the machine automatically goes to "cooldown". So was swearing and pushing all the buttons trying to get it to go back up to the speed that I was at when it went into cooldown. Well, by the time it got where I wanted it a couple of minutes had passed and my mellow had totally evacuated the premises. So I headed for the pool and played and was reminded of how awesome this summer was and childhood and aren't pools and chlorine amazing? Warm fuzzies.

5. My body has declared a jihad against my weight loss efforts. Every time I think I am making progress by body gives me a bad number on the scale and a big FU. Time to go back to the old standby: Weight Watchers. It's the only damn way I can lose weight. Being accountable and tracking every morsel of food that goes into my mouth. ***Warning explicit whining ahead...Why do I have to be one of those neurotic women that is more obsessed with her calories than what is going on around her (stamping my feet to further my point)- I am a free spirit, I am excessive and spoiled and decedent- and I'm okay with that! Why can't I just eat what I want and exercise and still lose weight. Why isn't life fair!!! Okay, I'm done. It's just that focusing specifically on my weight makes me feel so shallow and idiotic, like I'm playing right into society's hands. I am not a moron who is only as good as her waist size. I am brilliant (sometimes) and funny and friendly, and despite the extra weight and the stomach roll and the puffiness, pretty okay looking. Why can't I be valued for my brain (or my wit or my ability to judge and criticize everyone around me or my ability to recommend good books to everyone I meet) instead of my body? ARGH!!!!***

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

January 13- Pretties

Dear New-Years-Resolutionists-at-the-YMCA continued:

6. Um, hello! Do not show up five minutes late to class and then have to have the instructor spend twenty minutes explaining everything to you because you have never used a spin bike before! Rude! And giggling throughout the entire class in inappropriate too, people are trying to concentrate on their muscles burning. Up the resistance on your bike until you are crying like the rest of us and be quiet!

I know it's pathetic, but I have to boast anyway. Last night, on the way home from tutoring, Zora called me and asked for Culver's. I, of course, was starving. I mean it was 6:30pm and I hadn't eaten anything since 2pm. I ran for at 4pm but only had water so by 6pm I was feeling a little peckish. Anyway, I thought to myself "Culvers sounds ... okay." I didn't really feel one way or the other. Then it dawned on me, I wasn't craving it. So I did drive-through but didn't order anything for myself. I went home, had a bowl of cereal and went to bed. Hell must be frozen over. The end.

So tired today. I hate Wednesdays.

Workout: Spin 45 minutes

Food:
(1 cup Go Lean Cereal- dinner last night)
1 WW Bagel with natural PB and banana
2 clementines
A Pail of water
Homemade chicken noodle soup (using up all the meat)
1 apple
Fiber One Bar
Go Lean Cereal for dinner

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

January 12th- Uglies

Dear New-Years-Resolutionists-at-the-YMCA:

You don't know me, but I need to lay down the law for you:

1. When you come to a class for the first and second time do not expect anyone to talk to you. In fact, if we had our choice we would knock you down, kick you and probably spit on you. If you come back the third time (after cold shoulders, smoldering sneers and cackles at your technique) you will be welcomed. Pack mentality. We cannot allow any weakness through. Many of you will not make it past this first stage. And don't think that because you are skinny that you will be able to beat the fat girl at squats- you won't.

2. Do not, I repeat, do not take a regular's spot on the classroom floor. They will circle you, lower their head, and start to grunt. This is the first warning of an impending attack. If you are met with this behaviour, pick up your mat/weights/bike/kettle ball/whatever and back slowly away without making eye contact. Do not EVER talk to this person until they approach you, if they ever do. Taking a regular's spot is not easily forgiven.

3. You are not entitled to the private shower stalls. These stalls are earned and reserved for women who have met and been in every instructor's class, know the schedule by heart and are part of the pack. You need to move your behind to the group shower room by the pool. Yes, it's open. Yes, it's drafty. Yes, old men with grey body body hair will be able to see you as the old ladies go back-and-forth from the pool to the potty and back-again. Tough. There are three shower stalls- and none of them are yours.

4.Do not, under any circumstances, talk about the following: your children, your vacation to Cabo, how much fudge you ate over Christmas, the new Louis Vitton that you got from your husband (it-only-cost-$1200.00-on-sale-what-a-steal), the fact that you never sweat, your BM's, toenail fungus, or your dreams the night before. Approved topics of discussion for you: silence.

5. And last but not least, do not stalk anyone that you admire at the gym. It's sick.

I hope that this clears everything up for you and we can all enjoy our mornings at the gym.

XOXO, Barracuda.

PS- The far right shower stall is mine. MINE.

Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 30mins

Food: The usual

Monday, January 11, 2010

January 11- I have a stalker

So you know that feeling when you want to take your shoe off and beat someone in the head with it until they are laying on the ground, bleeding and unconscious? That's how I felt on Saturday at BodyPump. First, there were literally a thousand people trying to squish into the room. Luckily I know that all New Year's resolutions fail within the first month, so I probably won't see any of those people ever again. Second, the instructor loves to babble about the most random and pointless things. Seriously, I think the music had been going for about two minutes before she directed us all to the chest presses we should have been doing the whole time! I mean, I love to talk- but there is a point when sharing that your husband's BMs have been like brownie batter is just crossing the line.

Today the lady that was trying to beat me at spinning last week, and was in BodyPump the other day, put her spinning bike right next to and a little behind me. She is now, officially, my-Stalker-with-a-capital-S. I put my bike in the back because no one wants to see my ginormous ass moving up and down on the bike. But she put her bike even further back than mine for one reason (I'm deducing from the evidence presented)- she wanted to make sure her speed was faster than my speed. See, on all the bikes there are little monitors telling you how fast your cadence is. She wanted to see mine so she could beat me! It didn't even matter because in the end I totally kicked her soccer-mommy-ass. During the slow hills (the hardest part of class), as sweat was pouring down my face (read: trickling), I turned my head infinitesimal just to see if she was spying on me (I could feel her dead-fish-like-eyes boring into the back of my head). She made eye-contact and just was she was about to jut out her chin in defiance, a tear of defeat trickled slowly down her cheek.

Also, I am damn tired of losing the same three pounds over and over again. What is the deal body? I wish I could take off my shoe and beat myself with it until I lost all this weight. So far I've lost 17 pounds but if you counted the last three every time I've lost them it would be around 30. So frustrating!

Workout: Spinning 45 minutes

Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water

Friday, January 8, 2010

January 8th- I did it, so can you

So my friends, yesterday I ran 20 minutes without stopping. Granted the eighty year old woman on the treadmill next to me was running at a 5.5 mile pace (she's training for Kona) and I was running at a measly 3.7 pace- but still. I was running. For an extended period of time. Without stopping. Something I have never done.

And today I am exhausted. I could curl up and sleep on the floor under my desk, that is how tired I am. But it was worth it.

Workout: Spin (sweat got into my eyes- it was awesome and hardcore!) and ab work 60 min

Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water

Thursday, January 7, 2010

January 7th- Snowstorm

Today is the day, my friends. I will be running 20 minutes without stopping. If you read my earlier post from this week you might have been thinking that it was Saturday (like I thought and told you). Well, I was wrong. We start our new week of running every Saturday so Wizard miscalculated the runs. (Yes, she teaches math.) Today is the day. Wish me luck :-)!

Also, today in bodypump I was thinking...I have been exercising almost everyday since the week before Thanksgiving. I am so much stronger, my endurance is amazing and I am actually running. Even though I am overweight and not perfect with my eating, I have been doing AMAZING! I can see the muscles in my arms and legs (it's going to take me a while to see the muscles around the middle area, don't hold your breath), I sleep better and I am happier and more alert during the day. I feel better. I even (gasp) like getting up every morning to workout.

Finally, the woman who tired to beat my in spinning was in bodypump today. She was on the opposite side of the room- but I saw her eyeing me. I don't know what her problem is but I can totally take her.

Peace out peeps.

Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 25 minutes

Food:
2 clementines
2 Fiber One Bars
Water

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

January 6

So this morning at Spinning the instructor walked in just as I was talking about how no one showed up on Monday to instruct class. I'm sure I sounded like the biggest brat on the planet. It was the regular instructor (my favorite) a 40-something man named Grim who is about nine feet tall and one-hundred-five pounds soaking wet. He is very business-like and imposing. He spits out "Come on", "Faster", "30 more seconds", and "Almost there (which always means: we-are-not-even-close-to-being-there-but-move-your-ass-anyway)" as we're biking. He also is always wearing the biking outfits: Spandex. Pastel colors mixed with black. Bulges. Maybe because he takes the class so seriously, that's what I take the class seriously too...or maybe it's because he doesn't like me.

I'm pretty sure he's a fat-phobic. (You know, the people that raise their eyebrows and almost sneer- but they're trying their hardest not to be obvious- as they get closer to a fat person. I've met a fair few of these in my life. After I restrain myself from the urge to punch them in the head, I tell myself it's their own fear of being fat, not MY fat, that is hurting them. This helps me interact in a humane way with them). He usually avoids looking at me, which is kind of hard to do since I am usually directly across from him in the back of the room, and whenever he does all he spits out is "faster, faster" (I don't take it personally, but I am pretty sure it's meant to be). I think he used to be a former fatty- he's always tugging on his shirt, trying to get it away from his belly. A fat move. Or, his spandex dries to tight. Hard to tell. So I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or be angry.

Maybe he just not friendly.

And speaking of former fatties, the ones that used-to-be-fat-but-now-are-thin-and-all-they-ever-want-to-talk-about-is-what-they-eat-and-how-much-they-exercise-and-isn't-their-BMI-amazing-now-you-should-totally-stop-eating-anything-above-100-calories-should-we-split-a-salad-with-no-dressing, PLEASE SHUT UP! I mean that in the nicest way, but come on. If you used to be fat and now have gotten your weight under control YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE WEIGHT! Be empathetic. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT YOU CAN NOW SHOP IN THE JUNIORS SECTION. Fat people are constantly, CONSTANTLY, reminded that they are not good enough as they are by TV, romance, friends, music videos, family, and walking down the street. If you are fat you never, ever get to forget it for one second. So please, please- if you used to be fat restrain yourself from asking your friend/lover/sister/brother/parent/daughter/son any of the following:

1. How's the diet going?
2. How much weight have you lost?
3. Are you gaining weight or are you just bloated?
4. Are you going to eat that?
5. Do you know how everyone judges you?
6. Do you only have one outfit?
7. Did you know that I lost weight by not eating? Maybe you should try it.

If we have something to share, we will. And start talking about something other than food, dieting and exercise. Like Battlestar Galactica or good books or the fact that we have an awesome president or give compliments.

Lastly, let me add. If you used to be heavy, which is pretty much everybody now-a-days, you don't get to disparage, hate-on, criticize, or laugh at fat people. When you do you sound like an ASS. I don't even care if you heart has been replaced by a carrot stick. Be nice- it's something that you learn in kindergarten but it still applies today.

Workout: 45 minutes spinning

Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
4 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
boca burger and snap peas
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
Stirfry with brown rice

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

January 5th- The Instructor showed up today...

BodyPump was full today. FULL. The heat...the smell...25 sweaty bodies doing squats. At 5:30am. It was a pretty awesome sight. Leah went with me over break, and commented that I'm popular with the soccer mom crowd, which, of course, I am (being that I am a chronic people pleaser and generally pleasant). The ladies (as I like to call them) were asking me how my new year's was and how school is going. Ahh...popularity, so fickle yet so fun. I looked around the room at all the newbies and thought "Oh, you poor pathetic fools. You don't know what you're in for. Hahahahahahaha (insert scary voice here)."

Okay, I didn't really think that. It was more like, "Please don't sweat on me or fart in my face as you are bent over. I will do my best to return the favor."

According to the scale I still lost a pound between today and yesterday despite the fact that I had a couple (read 5) bites of pie. I am eating healthier now that I am back in school (and visiting the bathroom more, I am sure that you wanted to know that).

I'm also thinking of just eating cereal for dinner until August. That, or having radical plastic surgery before the wedding. How much is plastic surgery?

BTW you should be able to make comments on my post again if you would like. I messed with the settings.

Workout: BodyPump 60mins, 25 mins Running

Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple

Monday, January 4, 2010

Day Whatever, It's January- Out with the old, In with the new

Hey friends, followers and nuts, happy 2010! I didn't post anything over winter break from school. I could give you a million reasons why, but lets just say instead of staring blankly at a computer screen I took a lot (and I mean A LOT) of much-needed-and-deserved-naps. Don't worry, I still drove all the way over to Woodbury to meet Wizard at the Y. We took a few days off (like Christmas and New Years Day, and it was Wizard's wedding anniversary so it wasn't even my fault you Nazi's!) but for the most part workouts were good, eating not so good.

I know, I know. I sound like a broken record. But I have to tell it like it is. I am eating healthier and less food, but it is no where near where I want it to be. Yes, I am a perfectionist (sometimes, in some circumstances when there isn't any pressure).

So today Wizard and I raced (we were there 15 minutes early!) to the gym because we were totally convinced that classes were going to be packed with new-years-resolutionists-in-brand-new-spandex-clothing but to our amazement the class didn't even have the regulars let alone anyone new. Oh yeah, and the instructor didn't show up either. Do you know how dumb four spinners look riding bikes going no where, staring off into the space where the instructor usually is? Really Dumb. Passersby froze as they walked by the dark room where we sat spinning, dumbstruck as to what we were doing. I felt like an exhibit at the zoo. So I mooed. Just kidding.

Plus, this lady was totally trying to out spin me. Yeah, I know- the nerve, right? So I resolved that I wouldn't sit down until she sat down. No matter what. I would've rather died than sit down before her. She kept checking in the mirror to see if I was sitting yet...and I wasn't. Finally, after about five minutes she sat. I smiled in victory. One for Rachael, zero for the opposition.

Did you know that I am going to be running 20 minutes straight this Saturday at the Y? I feel like I should be selling tickets because I am pretty sure that it's not going to happen. Wizard says so though, and I am afraid of her German accent so I am pretty sure that she is going to intimidate me into doing it.

Workout: Spinning 45 minutes

Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
turkey (finishing it up before going veggie), mashed potatoes, broccoli
1 small slice corn bread with butter
1 small piece apple pie with 1 scoop ice cream (didn't even come close to finishing this, but the five bites I had were really good. Damn you dad and your stupid sweet tooth!)