April 26th- Summer Dreams

I think we did something to make Grim very, very angry. Remember Grim, my spinning instructor? The one who must-have-at-sometime-been-in-the-army-and-now-confuses-soccer-moms-with-soldiers? I usually take a bike in the back, and this morning was no exception. I like the back of the workout room- it's dark, there's a fan, it's away from the mirrors, and most important- no one can see the tiny hole in the butt of my new workout pants showing my flowered Hanes! Anyway, I'm in the back, and I'm thinking to myself throughout the entire class..."His spit projectile is amazing". I mean, I had to wipe off my glasses at least twice!

Not that I'm complaining. I like being yelled at...it makes me feel like I'm doing something right. The tension on my bike was so tight that the tighter-thingy (technical, I know) wouldn't turn any further. It was like biking in mud. Glorious.

The swear was pouring. The lady next to me was crying. Grandpa fell off his bike sometime in the first five minutes, but we left him on the floor until class was over. By 6:15 he wasn't the only one kissing the wood.

I looked Grim in the eye as I was walking out after class...he bared his teeth. I think he likes me.

Exercise: 45 minutes spinning

Food:
Fruit and Veggies
Maybe a crust of bread
I'm on the prison diet

April 5th- Women, Food and God

Last week was Spring Break, and for me, a complete break from reality. You know when you go on vacation and you periodically think about all the wonderful ways that you're going to change your life when you get back to the real world...well, that was me last week, especially concerning my diet. Here are some random thoughts that passed though my head during break...

1. I am not going to eat anymore carbs until Meghan's wedding, which, the horror, is in approximately 129 days.
2. I am not going to diet anymore, I love myself too much for that.
3. I am going to only eat cereal until Meghan's wedding, which, the horror, is in approximately 129 days.
4. I will eat sensibly until Meghan's wedding.
5. I will work out for at least two hours a day until Meghan's wedding.
6. I will do the raw foods diet until Meghan's wedding.
7. I am beautiful the way I am.
8. I need to change the way I am.
9. I am so much better than the stupid people who make me feel bad about my weight and appearance.
10. Why is my coping mechanism food? Can I switch that to drugs or alcohol?
11. Speaking of drugs, I heard meth is a fast way to lose some extra baggage. Hmm...

This is a little insight into my head. These thoughts flow through, all of them, all day long. I fluctuate from one extreme to another. And, not to promote Oprah or her magazine, I did read "Women, Food and God" this week and it changed my life...a little. I have to re-read it. But basically, it opened my eyes to my real issues instead of what I thought my issues were. Like, the past is in the past and can't hurt you anymore. And, you don't need to fix yourself- you're whole. Etc., etc., etc. I'm not really into the whole touchy-feely-lets-all-love-each-other-group-hug-stuff, but this book was really good, and I would recommend it to everyone.

Workout: Spinning 45 minutes

Food:
Cereal and milk
coffee with hazelnut creamer
2 clementines
1 banana
lettuce chicken wraps
1 fiber one bar