Are you there God? It's me, Rachael...

So last night as I was shaving my cat I was thinking to myself that things really can't get much worse. (There really is nothing worse than having to shave a cat. Really. Nothing. Worse. Okay, maybe giving birth. But shaving the cat is a close second.)

But then I thought...Well, I could lose my awesome job. And all the people that I love could die in some heinous accident. And Mufasa could contract the black plague and I would have to kill her like Will Smith did to his dog in the horrible movie "I Am Legend" (Does anyone know why there are so many movies where dogs have to die? What does that say about us as a population? And I probably would just let Mufasa kill me because I don't think I could choke her to death.)

Alright, so I have it pretty good. My life is kinda awesome. But I was feeling pretty depressed about the state of the world and my bank account and knowing that there will never, ever be a fat-free ice cream that tastes good or a magic girdle or hairstyle that will make me look like Gisele Bunchen, not to mention the fact that "Everybody Loves Raymond" is all reruns. And I was driving to spinning, which is pretty much like driving to the dentist office knowing your going to have a root canal and have the cute, young dentist tell you that you're obese (duh) and you'd be such a cute girl if only you lost some weight (huh? True Story). And I was listening to really, really sad-angsty-no-one-understands-what-its-like-to-be-me-and-i-am-so-put-upon-the-world-is-a-vampire-music which just reinforces the big pity party I was throwing myself.

I was driving up Radio from Stillwater and it was so dark I had to turn on my brights. At the same time, I am talking to God, saying that if I hit a deer, seriously, my life is over, and I am just going to lay in the road until someone runs me over. Death would be better than this. There is not point in going on. I am done with the world. Blah Blah Blah.

And just as I turn on my brights, a deer dashes in front of my car. A Deer. Dashes. In Front. OF MY CAR. I saw the terror in her brown eyes, probably mirroring my own, and I could hear her heart pounding over my angsty music. Seriously. So I could hear God laughing at me and this is what she is saying: "Get your ass to spinning and quit complaining. Besides, it's raining, the road is wet and if you laid down it would totally ruin your new stretch pants".

So the moral of the story is that feeling sorry for yourself never gets you anywhere, God rarely empathizes with you and spinning is vital to life.

Who wants to do the Turkey Trot with me this year? Thanksgiving Day, downtown. Free shirt.