Dear New-Years-Resolutionists-at-the-YMCA:
You don't know me, but I need to lay down the law for you:
1. When you come to a class for the first and second time do not expect anyone to talk to you. In fact, if we had our choice we would knock you down, kick you and probably spit on you. If you come back the third time (after cold shoulders, smoldering sneers and cackles at your technique) you will be welcomed. Pack mentality. We cannot allow any weakness through. Many of you will not make it past this first stage. And don't think that because you are skinny that you will be able to beat the fat girl at squats- you won't.
2. Do not, I repeat, do not take a regular's spot on the classroom floor. They will circle you, lower their head, and start to grunt. This is the first warning of an impending attack. If you are met with this behaviour, pick up your mat/weights/bike/kettle ball/whatever and back slowly away without making eye contact. Do not EVER talk to this person until they approach you, if they ever do. Taking a regular's spot is not easily forgiven.
3. You are not entitled to the private shower stalls. These stalls are earned and reserved for women who have met and been in every instructor's class, know the schedule by heart and are part of the pack. You need to move your behind to the group shower room by the pool. Yes, it's open. Yes, it's drafty. Yes, old men with grey body body hair will be able to see you as the old ladies go back-and-forth from the pool to the potty and back-again. Tough. There are three shower stalls- and none of them are yours.
4.Do not, under any circumstances, talk about the following: your children, your vacation to Cabo, how much fudge you ate over Christmas, the new Louis Vitton that you got from your husband (it-only-cost-$1200.00-on-sale-what-a-steal), the fact that you never sweat, your BM's, toenail fungus, or your dreams the night before. Approved topics of discussion for you: silence.
5. And last but not least, do not stalk anyone that you admire at the gym. It's sick.
I hope that this clears everything up for you and we can all enjoy our mornings at the gym.
XOXO, Barracuda.
PS- The far right shower stall is mine. MINE.
Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 30mins
Food: The usual
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 11- I have a stalker
So you know that feeling when you want to take your shoe off and beat someone in the head with it until they are laying on the ground, bleeding and unconscious? That's how I felt on Saturday at BodyPump. First, there were literally a thousand people trying to squish into the room. Luckily I know that all New Year's resolutions fail within the first month, so I probably won't see any of those people ever again. Second, the instructor loves to babble about the most random and pointless things. Seriously, I think the music had been going for about two minutes before she directed us all to the chest presses we should have been doing the whole time! I mean, I love to talk- but there is a point when sharing that your husband's BMs have been like brownie batter is just crossing the line.
Today the lady that was trying to beat me at spinning last week, and was in BodyPump the other day, put her spinning bike right next to and a little behind me. She is now, officially, my-Stalker-with-a-capital-S. I put my bike in the back because no one wants to see my ginormous ass moving up and down on the bike. But she put her bike even further back than mine for one reason (I'm deducing from the evidence presented)- she wanted to make sure her speed was faster than my speed. See, on all the bikes there are little monitors telling you how fast your cadence is. She wanted to see mine so she could beat me! It didn't even matter because in the end I totally kicked her soccer-mommy-ass. During the slow hills (the hardest part of class), as sweat was pouring down my face (read: trickling), I turned my head infinitesimal just to see if she was spying on me (I could feel her dead-fish-like-eyes boring into the back of my head). She made eye-contact and just was she was about to jut out her chin in defiance, a tear of defeat trickled slowly down her cheek.
Also, I am damn tired of losing the same three pounds over and over again. What is the deal body? I wish I could take off my shoe and beat myself with it until I lost all this weight. So far I've lost 17 pounds but if you counted the last three every time I've lost them it would be around 30. So frustrating!
Workout: Spinning 45 minutes
Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water
Today the lady that was trying to beat me at spinning last week, and was in BodyPump the other day, put her spinning bike right next to and a little behind me. She is now, officially, my-Stalker-with-a-capital-S. I put my bike in the back because no one wants to see my ginormous ass moving up and down on the bike. But she put her bike even further back than mine for one reason (I'm deducing from the evidence presented)- she wanted to make sure her speed was faster than my speed. See, on all the bikes there are little monitors telling you how fast your cadence is. She wanted to see mine so she could beat me! It didn't even matter because in the end I totally kicked her soccer-mommy-ass. During the slow hills (the hardest part of class), as sweat was pouring down my face (read: trickling), I turned my head infinitesimal just to see if she was spying on me (I could feel her dead-fish-like-eyes boring into the back of my head). She made eye-contact and just was she was about to jut out her chin in defiance, a tear of defeat trickled slowly down her cheek.
Also, I am damn tired of losing the same three pounds over and over again. What is the deal body? I wish I could take off my shoe and beat myself with it until I lost all this weight. So far I've lost 17 pounds but if you counted the last three every time I've lost them it would be around 30. So frustrating!
Workout: Spinning 45 minutes
Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water
Friday, January 8, 2010
January 8th- I did it, so can you
So my friends, yesterday I ran 20 minutes without stopping. Granted the eighty year old woman on the treadmill next to me was running at a 5.5 mile pace (she's training for Kona) and I was running at a measly 3.7 pace- but still. I was running. For an extended period of time. Without stopping. Something I have never done.
And today I am exhausted. I could curl up and sleep on the floor under my desk, that is how tired I am. But it was worth it.
Workout: Spin (sweat got into my eyes- it was awesome and hardcore!) and ab work 60 min
Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water
And today I am exhausted. I could curl up and sleep on the floor under my desk, that is how tired I am. But it was worth it.
Workout: Spin (sweat got into my eyes- it was awesome and hardcore!) and ab work 60 min
Food:
3 clementines
1 apple
1 high fiber bagel with natural PB and banana
Leftover stir fry with brown rice
Snap peas
2 Liters of water
Thursday, January 7, 2010
January 7th- Snowstorm
Today is the day, my friends. I will be running 20 minutes without stopping. If you read my earlier post from this week you might have been thinking that it was Saturday (like I thought and told you). Well, I was wrong. We start our new week of running every Saturday so Wizard miscalculated the runs. (Yes, she teaches math.) Today is the day. Wish me luck :-)!
Also, today in bodypump I was thinking...I have been exercising almost everyday since the week before Thanksgiving. I am so much stronger, my endurance is amazing and I am actually running. Even though I am overweight and not perfect with my eating, I have been doing AMAZING! I can see the muscles in my arms and legs (it's going to take me a while to see the muscles around the middle area, don't hold your breath), I sleep better and I am happier and more alert during the day. I feel better. I even (gasp) like getting up every morning to workout.
Finally, the woman who tired to beat my in spinning was in bodypump today. She was on the opposite side of the room- but I saw her eyeing me. I don't know what her problem is but I can totally take her.
Peace out peeps.
Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 25 minutes
Food:
2 clementines
2 Fiber One Bars
Water
Also, today in bodypump I was thinking...I have been exercising almost everyday since the week before Thanksgiving. I am so much stronger, my endurance is amazing and I am actually running. Even though I am overweight and not perfect with my eating, I have been doing AMAZING! I can see the muscles in my arms and legs (it's going to take me a while to see the muscles around the middle area, don't hold your breath), I sleep better and I am happier and more alert during the day. I feel better. I even (gasp) like getting up every morning to workout.
Finally, the woman who tired to beat my in spinning was in bodypump today. She was on the opposite side of the room- but I saw her eyeing me. I don't know what her problem is but I can totally take her.
Peace out peeps.
Workout: BodyPump 60mins and Running 25 minutes
Food:
2 clementines
2 Fiber One Bars
Water
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January 6
So this morning at Spinning the instructor walked in just as I was talking about how no one showed up on Monday to instruct class. I'm sure I sounded like the biggest brat on the planet. It was the regular instructor (my favorite) a 40-something man named Grim who is about nine feet tall and one-hundred-five pounds soaking wet. He is very business-like and imposing. He spits out "Come on", "Faster", "30 more seconds", and "Almost there (which always means: we-are-not-even-close-to-being-there-but-move-your-ass-anyway)" as we're biking. He also is always wearing the biking outfits: Spandex. Pastel colors mixed with black. Bulges. Maybe because he takes the class so seriously, that's what I take the class seriously too...or maybe it's because he doesn't like me.
I'm pretty sure he's a fat-phobic. (You know, the people that raise their eyebrows and almost sneer- but they're trying their hardest not to be obvious- as they get closer to a fat person. I've met a fair few of these in my life. After I restrain myself from the urge to punch them in the head, I tell myself it's their own fear of being fat, not MY fat, that is hurting them. This helps me interact in a humane way with them). He usually avoids looking at me, which is kind of hard to do since I am usually directly across from him in the back of the room, and whenever he does all he spits out is "faster, faster" (I don't take it personally, but I am pretty sure it's meant to be). I think he used to be a former fatty- he's always tugging on his shirt, trying to get it away from his belly. A fat move. Or, his spandex dries to tight. Hard to tell. So I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or be angry.
Maybe he just not friendly.
And speaking of former fatties, the ones that used-to-be-fat-but-now-are-thin-and-all-they-ever-want-to-talk-about-is-what-they-eat-and-how-much-they-exercise-and-isn't-their-BMI-amazing-now-you-should-totally-stop-eating-anything-above-100-calories-should-we-split-a-salad-with-no-dressing, PLEASE SHUT UP! I mean that in the nicest way, but come on. If you used to be fat and now have gotten your weight under control YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE WEIGHT! Be empathetic. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT YOU CAN NOW SHOP IN THE JUNIORS SECTION. Fat people are constantly, CONSTANTLY, reminded that they are not good enough as they are by TV, romance, friends, music videos, family, and walking down the street. If you are fat you never, ever get to forget it for one second. So please, please- if you used to be fat restrain yourself from asking your friend/lover/sister/brother/parent/daughter/son any of the following:
1. How's the diet going?
2. How much weight have you lost?
3. Are you gaining weight or are you just bloated?
4. Are you going to eat that?
5. Do you know how everyone judges you?
6. Do you only have one outfit?
7. Did you know that I lost weight by not eating? Maybe you should try it.
If we have something to share, we will. And start talking about something other than food, dieting and exercise. Like Battlestar Galactica or good books or the fact that we have an awesome president or give compliments.
Lastly, let me add. If you used to be heavy, which is pretty much everybody now-a-days, you don't get to disparage, hate-on, criticize, or laugh at fat people. When you do you sound like an ASS. I don't even care if you heart has been replaced by a carrot stick. Be nice- it's something that you learn in kindergarten but it still applies today.
Workout: 45 minutes spinning
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
4 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
boca burger and snap peas
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
Stirfry with brown rice
I'm pretty sure he's a fat-phobic. (You know, the people that raise their eyebrows and almost sneer- but they're trying their hardest not to be obvious- as they get closer to a fat person. I've met a fair few of these in my life. After I restrain myself from the urge to punch them in the head, I tell myself it's their own fear of being fat, not MY fat, that is hurting them. This helps me interact in a humane way with them). He usually avoids looking at me, which is kind of hard to do since I am usually directly across from him in the back of the room, and whenever he does all he spits out is "faster, faster" (I don't take it personally, but I am pretty sure it's meant to be). I think he used to be a former fatty- he's always tugging on his shirt, trying to get it away from his belly. A fat move. Or, his spandex dries to tight. Hard to tell. So I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or be angry.
Maybe he just not friendly.
And speaking of former fatties, the ones that used-to-be-fat-but-now-are-thin-and-all-they-ever-want-to-talk-about-is-what-they-eat-and-how-much-they-exercise-and-isn't-their-BMI-amazing-now-you-should-totally-stop-eating-anything-above-100-calories-should-we-split-a-salad-with-no-dressing, PLEASE SHUT UP! I mean that in the nicest way, but come on. If you used to be fat and now have gotten your weight under control YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOSE WEIGHT! Be empathetic. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT YOU CAN NOW SHOP IN THE JUNIORS SECTION. Fat people are constantly, CONSTANTLY, reminded that they are not good enough as they are by TV, romance, friends, music videos, family, and walking down the street. If you are fat you never, ever get to forget it for one second. So please, please- if you used to be fat restrain yourself from asking your friend/lover/sister/brother/parent/daughter/son any of the following:
1. How's the diet going?
2. How much weight have you lost?
3. Are you gaining weight or are you just bloated?
4. Are you going to eat that?
5. Do you know how everyone judges you?
6. Do you only have one outfit?
7. Did you know that I lost weight by not eating? Maybe you should try it.
If we have something to share, we will. And start talking about something other than food, dieting and exercise. Like Battlestar Galactica or good books or the fact that we have an awesome president or give compliments.
Lastly, let me add. If you used to be heavy, which is pretty much everybody now-a-days, you don't get to disparage, hate-on, criticize, or laugh at fat people. When you do you sound like an ASS. I don't even care if you heart has been replaced by a carrot stick. Be nice- it's something that you learn in kindergarten but it still applies today.
Workout: 45 minutes spinning
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
4 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
boca burger and snap peas
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
Stirfry with brown rice
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January 5th- The Instructor showed up today...
BodyPump was full today. FULL. The heat...the smell...25 sweaty bodies doing squats. At 5:30am. It was a pretty awesome sight. Leah went with me over break, and commented that I'm popular with the soccer mom crowd, which, of course, I am (being that I am a chronic people pleaser and generally pleasant). The ladies (as I like to call them) were asking me how my new year's was and how school is going. Ahh...popularity, so fickle yet so fun. I looked around the room at all the newbies and thought "Oh, you poor pathetic fools. You don't know what you're in for. Hahahahahahaha (insert scary voice here)."
Okay, I didn't really think that. It was more like, "Please don't sweat on me or fart in my face as you are bent over. I will do my best to return the favor."
According to the scale I still lost a pound between today and yesterday despite the fact that I had a couple (read 5) bites of pie. I am eating healthier now that I am back in school (and visiting the bathroom more, I am sure that you wanted to know that).
I'm also thinking of just eating cereal for dinner until August. That, or having radical plastic surgery before the wedding. How much is plastic surgery?
BTW you should be able to make comments on my post again if you would like. I messed with the settings.
Workout: BodyPump 60mins, 25 mins Running
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
Okay, I didn't really think that. It was more like, "Please don't sweat on me or fart in my face as you are bent over. I will do my best to return the favor."
According to the scale I still lost a pound between today and yesterday despite the fact that I had a couple (read 5) bites of pie. I am eating healthier now that I am back in school (and visiting the bathroom more, I am sure that you wanted to know that).
I'm also thinking of just eating cereal for dinner until August. That, or having radical plastic surgery before the wedding. How much is plastic surgery?
BTW you should be able to make comments on my post again if you would like. I messed with the settings.
Workout: BodyPump 60mins, 25 mins Running
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day Whatever, It's January- Out with the old, In with the new
Hey friends, followers and nuts, happy 2010! I didn't post anything over winter break from school. I could give you a million reasons why, but lets just say instead of staring blankly at a computer screen I took a lot (and I mean A LOT) of much-needed-and-deserved-naps. Don't worry, I still drove all the way over to Woodbury to meet Wizard at the Y. We took a few days off (like Christmas and New Years Day, and it was Wizard's wedding anniversary so it wasn't even my fault you Nazi's!) but for the most part workouts were good, eating not so good.
I know, I know. I sound like a broken record. But I have to tell it like it is. I am eating healthier and less food, but it is no where near where I want it to be. Yes, I am a perfectionist (sometimes, in some circumstances when there isn't any pressure).
So today Wizard and I raced (we were there 15 minutes early!) to the gym because we were totally convinced that classes were going to be packed with new-years-resolutionists-in-brand-new-spandex-clothing but to our amazement the class didn't even have the regulars let alone anyone new. Oh yeah, and the instructor didn't show up either. Do you know how dumb four spinners look riding bikes going no where, staring off into the space where the instructor usually is? Really Dumb. Passersby froze as they walked by the dark room where we sat spinning, dumbstruck as to what we were doing. I felt like an exhibit at the zoo. So I mooed. Just kidding.
Plus, this lady was totally trying to out spin me. Yeah, I know- the nerve, right? So I resolved that I wouldn't sit down until she sat down. No matter what. I would've rather died than sit down before her. She kept checking in the mirror to see if I was sitting yet...and I wasn't. Finally, after about five minutes she sat. I smiled in victory. One for Rachael, zero for the opposition.
Did you know that I am going to be running 20 minutes straight this Saturday at the Y? I feel like I should be selling tickets because I am pretty sure that it's not going to happen. Wizard says so though, and I am afraid of her German accent so I am pretty sure that she is going to intimidate me into doing it.
Workout: Spinning 45 minutes
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
turkey (finishing it up before going veggie), mashed potatoes, broccoli
1 small slice corn bread with butter
1 small piece apple pie with 1 scoop ice cream (didn't even come close to finishing this, but the five bites I had were really good. Damn you dad and your stupid sweet tooth!)
I know, I know. I sound like a broken record. But I have to tell it like it is. I am eating healthier and less food, but it is no where near where I want it to be. Yes, I am a perfectionist (sometimes, in some circumstances when there isn't any pressure).
So today Wizard and I raced (we were there 15 minutes early!) to the gym because we were totally convinced that classes were going to be packed with new-years-resolutionists-in-brand-new-spandex-clothing but to our amazement the class didn't even have the regulars let alone anyone new. Oh yeah, and the instructor didn't show up either. Do you know how dumb four spinners look riding bikes going no where, staring off into the space where the instructor usually is? Really Dumb. Passersby froze as they walked by the dark room where we sat spinning, dumbstruck as to what we were doing. I felt like an exhibit at the zoo. So I mooed. Just kidding.
Plus, this lady was totally trying to out spin me. Yeah, I know- the nerve, right? So I resolved that I wouldn't sit down until she sat down. No matter what. I would've rather died than sit down before her. She kept checking in the mirror to see if I was sitting yet...and I wasn't. Finally, after about five minutes she sat. I smiled in victory. One for Rachael, zero for the opposition.
Did you know that I am going to be running 20 minutes straight this Saturday at the Y? I feel like I should be selling tickets because I am pretty sure that it's not going to happen. Wizard says so though, and I am afraid of her German accent so I am pretty sure that she is going to intimidate me into doing it.
Workout: Spinning 45 minutes
Eating:
1 whole-wheat-high-fiber-bagel with natural PB(yuck) and banana
2 Clementine oranges
A pail of water
carrots and 2 tbsp of hummus with evoo
salad (no dressing) and tomato basil soup
diet coke (I know, don't say anything)
1 apple
turkey (finishing it up before going veggie), mashed potatoes, broccoli
1 small slice corn bread with butter
1 small piece apple pie with 1 scoop ice cream (didn't even come close to finishing this, but the five bites I had were really good. Damn you dad and your stupid sweet tooth!)
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