Shout out to one of the coolest sisters around- love you Leah, and I can't wait to do P90X with ya...
Moving on, today as my underwear was slowing creeping up my ass in Spinning, it occured to me there are three types of fitness instructors:
#1- The "Aerobicizer"- This particular breed of trainer enjoys Reebok's, legwarmers, big hair and Journey. Her best friend is Denise Austin. She still thinks that neon tights are fashionable, frequently says "No pain, No gain" and has posters of Arnold (from the terminator) on her walls. She has been on the Grapefruit diet since 1986 but is still slightly pudgy from all those apple martinis.
#2- "The Sargent" - This particular breed of trainer barks commands at the top of his lungs, gets into your personal space, spits on your face and will not break eye contact with you- you have to lower your eyes first. Ex-military and proud of it. He will not let anyone into the studio after class has started, does not tolerate any weakness. If he could, he would pee a circle around the room to mark his territory. Do not cross him, say hi, smile or offer him a powerbar. Powerbars are for pussies.
#3- "The Teenager"- This particular breed of trainer is not, in fact, a teenager- she just thinks she is. She will wear clothing that is too revealing, gossip about her boyfriend, toss her hair and try to make you go out dancing with her. If your in her class for any length of time, she will start to talk about her upcoming trip to Cancun, where she travels twice a year. She will mention, repeatedly, that Juan always saves her a seat at the swim-up bar. Yay.
Can you guess which is my favorite? Happy Monday everybody.
Workout: Spin for 45 minutes, PX90 for 1 hour
Eat:
High Fiber Go Lean Cereal and skim milk
1 apple
1 pear
Lean Cuisine
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
March 9th- The Crucible
Well, here we are again. Two weeks ago I fell on the ice outside my front door letting my dog out (almost in a pee puddle-God was laughing at me) and twisted my back, hitting my head on the side-walk and knocking myself out. The neighbors found me four hours later, still unconscious, and immediately called the po-pos (police, for those of you that don't live in da'hood). I broke five vertebrae in my back, and my never walk again. Also, during a brain scan, the doctors found an inoperable tumor that will kill me in three blessed months. When I heard this news I was flooded with grateful relief. I could eat Hagan-Das and cheese again...I could sleep past four in the morning...I could don my green-terry-cloth-stretch-if-I-ever-left-the-house-in-these-I-would-be-shot-by-the-zoo-but-now-I'm-dying-so-people-will-pity-me-pants...I could die fat and happy...
Okay, this is a detailed and much-replayed fantasy. I did fall and twist my back. I have been in excruciating pain, barely able to sit down and stand up. Going to the bathroom took loads of extra time. I had to contact my "contact" and get some prescription meds without the prescription (thank God, and I sincerely mean this, for Mexico). I would rather have (almost) any other injury than a back injury.
What better excuse to not work out?
Today was my first day back to the gym. All the ladies welcomed my back with open arms, happy to see me and listen, repeatedly, to me complain about back injuries, ice, having a house without gutters, dogs and how stupid the Academy Awards continues to be. But alas, it wasn't all it could be. Waiting in the shadows of the gym...wait for it, wait for it...was one of my grade school teachers. A woman who remembers me as a child...Who didn't recognize me until after class, and then, because I am cursed, came to talk to me. She was wearing that face, you know the one-it starts with "Oh My God..." and ends with "...there is something SOOOO wrong with you, do you need the number of my therapist". Okay, it wasn't that bad. But I did have to tell her that I am allergic to every vitamin and mineral in existence and can only eat White Castle. Her look of horror was indescribable...
Workout: BodyPump 60 mins, Walking the dogs 45 mins
Food:
High fiber cereal, banana and skim milk
Stir fry with ww noodles and veggies, orange and water
Apple and almonds, DC
High fiber cereal, banana and skim milk
Okay, this is a detailed and much-replayed fantasy. I did fall and twist my back. I have been in excruciating pain, barely able to sit down and stand up. Going to the bathroom took loads of extra time. I had to contact my "contact" and get some prescription meds without the prescription (thank God, and I sincerely mean this, for Mexico). I would rather have (almost) any other injury than a back injury.
What better excuse to not work out?
Today was my first day back to the gym. All the ladies welcomed my back with open arms, happy to see me and listen, repeatedly, to me complain about back injuries, ice, having a house without gutters, dogs and how stupid the Academy Awards continues to be. But alas, it wasn't all it could be. Waiting in the shadows of the gym...wait for it, wait for it...was one of my grade school teachers. A woman who remembers me as a child...Who didn't recognize me until after class, and then, because I am cursed, came to talk to me. She was wearing that face, you know the one-it starts with "Oh My God..." and ends with "...there is something SOOOO wrong with you, do you need the number of my therapist". Okay, it wasn't that bad. But I did have to tell her that I am allergic to every vitamin and mineral in existence and can only eat White Castle. Her look of horror was indescribable...
Workout: BodyPump 60 mins, Walking the dogs 45 mins
Food:
High fiber cereal, banana and skim milk
Stir fry with ww noodles and veggies, orange and water
Apple and almonds, DC
High fiber cereal, banana and skim milk
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
February 24- Demian
Considering my job has been pretty soul-sucking lately, this is an appropriate title, don't you think? I do love this book (AP English rocks!) even with all the dark undertones.
Yes, I was going to post pictures yesterday. Buy I need a mental-health-nap more than I needed to update my blog. Spring break can't come fast enough, and if you see my picture in the paper, let me just say right now that it wasn't my fault. Temporary insanity. I won't be adding them today either, considering I left the house at 4:30am and I won't be back at home until after 8pm. Maybe Thursday or Friday.
Popularity at the gym has its downside. Today everyone saw me and asked me why I wasn't going to spinning. I felt a little guilty in my soul, I even lowered my head and refused to make eye-contact with anyone in the spinning room. Do I feel like I am betraying my bestest friends in the whole world? Well...maybe I wouldn't go that far but still...And I have to go to Friday Bodypump instead of Thursday, so I know there is going to be some tears shed.
Workout: 30 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes running (I found the key to liking running- lets just say it involves Justin Timberlake).
Food: The usual healthy crap
Yes, I was going to post pictures yesterday. Buy I need a mental-health-nap more than I needed to update my blog. Spring break can't come fast enough, and if you see my picture in the paper, let me just say right now that it wasn't my fault. Temporary insanity. I won't be adding them today either, considering I left the house at 4:30am and I won't be back at home until after 8pm. Maybe Thursday or Friday.
Popularity at the gym has its downside. Today everyone saw me and asked me why I wasn't going to spinning. I felt a little guilty in my soul, I even lowered my head and refused to make eye-contact with anyone in the spinning room. Do I feel like I am betraying my bestest friends in the whole world? Well...maybe I wouldn't go that far but still...And I have to go to Friday Bodypump instead of Thursday, so I know there is going to be some tears shed.
Workout: 30 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes running (I found the key to liking running- lets just say it involves Justin Timberlake).
Food: The usual healthy crap
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
February 23- Montana 1948
I think Wizard is either trying to kill me or see me cry. She is a math teacher, so her goal is to make students cry daily. Usually, she accomplishes this goal. We started training for the race in May a week early. I thought that this might mean that I could get another entire week of sleeping in until 5am, but alas, my ass was required at the gym. When I asked, Wizard just rolled her eyes. I think that she's starting to ignore everything I say because mostly I'm just whining which doesn't compute in her German mind...
I do have pictures of both the 5k and the Turkey Trot from Thanksgiving. I will hopefully be posting those tonight.
I can't believe I'm still pluggin' along.
Workout: Bodypump 50 minutes and running 30 minutes (did I used to think that this was a long time?)
Food:
Healthy crap I am sick of.
I do have pictures of both the 5k and the Turkey Trot from Thanksgiving. I will hopefully be posting those tonight.
I can't believe I'm still pluggin' along.
Workout: Bodypump 50 minutes and running 30 minutes (did I used to think that this was a long time?)
Food:
Healthy crap I am sick of.
Monday, February 22, 2010
February 22- The Things They Carried
So it has been a while since I have blogged. I did compete in the race, and although I didn't do well, I finished. I really wanted to run the entire race, but I kept falling on the ice and some of the snow was hard to run through (the sponsors didn't plow a trail for us runners). By-in-large, it was a disheartening experience. I expected a lot of myself and I wasn't able to deliver, which depressed me.
The week following the race I took off from the gym. As I said I was depressed with my performance and I wanted to give my body a break. I reevaluated.
Last week I went back to the gym. I was contemplating whether I wanted to do the next two races that I signed up for...and so far I have decided that I am going to compete. Sunday Wizard and I started our training for the duetelon, which is in May. We have a print out of a schedule that we are going to follow that leads right up the race. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. But here I go again.
The week following the race I took off from the gym. As I said I was depressed with my performance and I wanted to give my body a break. I reevaluated.
Last week I went back to the gym. I was contemplating whether I wanted to do the next two races that I signed up for...and so far I have decided that I am going to compete. Sunday Wizard and I started our training for the duetelon, which is in May. We have a print out of a schedule that we are going to follow that leads right up the race. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. But here I go again.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
February 4 - White Noise
If you haven't caught on yet, I am posting book titles as the names of my posts. See, reading my blog gives you a laugh, tips and books to read. I'm concerned about your mental, physical and emotional health.
The race is in two days. I am feeling a little scared and stressed about it. These are the fears racing through my mind: 1. What if I fall flat on my face? 2. What if I fart while I'm running and its really loud? 3. What if people laugh at me? 4. What if I'm the last one in the race? 5. What if I can't finish? 6. What if I can't run the whole race?
I mean, do people look at you and instantly know that you are a total fraud? That's how I feel, kind of. Like I don't belong. Which is totally bogus because I am totally an athlete now. I can lift a car over my head and throw it. I own muti-colored spandex and things with the Nike Swoosh. I can hop on the treadmill and run for thirty minutes (at a very slow speed but still an accomplishment). I can feel my biceps reemerging under layers of fat and see the muscles in my legs. I actually choose healthy foods sometimes instead of the crap I used to eat.
Wizard and I are really going to have to step up the training after this race for the duathilon in May. I'm going to have to run 6 miles. Insanity. I need to stay motivated...which, speaking of, I lost another two pounds. My body likes to purge the pounds in spurts.
The race is in two days. I am feeling a little scared and stressed about it. These are the fears racing through my mind: 1. What if I fall flat on my face? 2. What if I fart while I'm running and its really loud? 3. What if people laugh at me? 4. What if I'm the last one in the race? 5. What if I can't finish? 6. What if I can't run the whole race?
I mean, do people look at you and instantly know that you are a total fraud? That's how I feel, kind of. Like I don't belong. Which is totally bogus because I am totally an athlete now. I can lift a car over my head and throw it. I own muti-colored spandex and things with the Nike Swoosh. I can hop on the treadmill and run for thirty minutes (at a very slow speed but still an accomplishment). I can feel my biceps reemerging under layers of fat and see the muscles in my legs. I actually choose healthy foods sometimes instead of the crap I used to eat.
Wizard and I are really going to have to step up the training after this race for the duathilon in May. I'm going to have to run 6 miles. Insanity. I need to stay motivated...which, speaking of, I lost another two pounds. My body likes to purge the pounds in spurts.
Monday, February 1, 2010
February 1, 2010- The Bell Jar
So apparently I was wrong to get so annoyed at the New-Year's-Resolutionists because this morning I walked into spin class and there wasn't one bike left. That's right- not one bike! Even the broken bikes and the one-missing-a-wheel had old men propped up on them. Now, as-much-as-I-hate-admitting-to-anything-that-could-be-in-anyway-my-fault-because-I-am-always-right, I was five minutes late to spin class.
Don't set me on fire yet- I hate people who are late too! I was pulled over by Woodbury's finest this morning because I was speeding. Fifty in a forty zone (which, not to excuse speeding, but pleez! That isn't that fast and aren't there some real criminals to catch instead of me in my hot spandex pants racing to spinning because I'm late?). I was resolved to getting a damn ticket because this is the second time I've been pulled over in the new little green machine and I didn't even care that much because the police officer was totally delish with his long eye lashes and crew cut. Men in uniform- Yum. But I digress.
So I walk into spinning, with only a warning from the cute copper, and not even a written warning at that, and the room is packed! All my woodbury-soccer-mom-friends are making sad faces at me when I realize that there aren't any bikes! What kinda of crazy, ninja free world is this! All I have to say is good thing I didn't have my nunchucks...I was forced to the elliptical and infomercials. Boo.
Workout: 20 minutes on the elliptical (Hopefully I'll get a chance to head back to the Y tonight for a class)
Food:
Go Lean Crunch with skim milk
1 banana
4 clementines
1 fiber bar
1/2 subway turkey sandwich
2 diet cokes
Don't set me on fire yet- I hate people who are late too! I was pulled over by Woodbury's finest this morning because I was speeding. Fifty in a forty zone (which, not to excuse speeding, but pleez! That isn't that fast and aren't there some real criminals to catch instead of me in my hot spandex pants racing to spinning because I'm late?). I was resolved to getting a damn ticket because this is the second time I've been pulled over in the new little green machine and I didn't even care that much because the police officer was totally delish with his long eye lashes and crew cut. Men in uniform- Yum. But I digress.
So I walk into spinning, with only a warning from the cute copper, and not even a written warning at that, and the room is packed! All my woodbury-soccer-mom-friends are making sad faces at me when I realize that there aren't any bikes! What kinda of crazy, ninja free world is this! All I have to say is good thing I didn't have my nunchucks...I was forced to the elliptical and infomercials. Boo.
Workout: 20 minutes on the elliptical (Hopefully I'll get a chance to head back to the Y tonight for a class)
Food:
Go Lean Crunch with skim milk
1 banana
4 clementines
1 fiber bar
1/2 subway turkey sandwich
2 diet cokes
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